My Teenaged Parents
Being the caregiver for aging parents can stretch the patience of a saint. Here are six ways you can help!
(PRWEB) June 8, 2004 -- Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I
struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the
reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted
to do, I was often baffled. Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I
again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many
caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out! Consider
this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the
doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the
weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell
me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on
Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME:
"Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you
call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME:
"Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a
child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong
into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink
- or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these
are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be. Could I
get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some
of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my
spirits:
* Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to
take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great. Even better -- stay and
serve it.
* Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to
vent to.
* Be a chauffeur. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever.
Just take them off my hands for a little while.
* Start a "Caregiver's
Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours
would be wonderful.
* Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These
retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If
you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
* Lobby your Senators
and Representatives for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one
to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people
believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is
patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in
the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D.
- Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is
Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy
residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A
Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim
of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
# # #
Source : http://www.prweb.com/releases/2004/6/prweb131747.htm